Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Redneck recipes

Bachelor Cinnabons, EZbread, and pizza bread sticks:

---All are less than 10 minutes from mixing to eating---

Note: I keep a 16ounce bottle of tap water with a teaspoon of baking soda in the refrigerator for these things. Not all baking soda is equal, some have large grains for cleaning. The larger the grains, the longer it takes to dissolve, but even the biggest grains will dissolve overnight. This water to soda ratio is about perfect and is almost the only real measuring in any of these recipes. It keeps in the refrigerator for weeks and costs almost nothing, and is as good as pepto if you have an upset stomach. I call it salty or soda water and most 'soda' bottles like Coke and Pepsi come in 16 ounce screw top plastic bottles, so it's something everyone has.


Step 1. add a splash (a tablespoon or two) of vinegar to a microwave safe bowl (about the right size for cereal or soup)

If you have vanilla, add a few drops here.

Step 2. Add 3/4 cup of flour (about 1/2 a coffee mug), mix in a few tablespoons of sugar, then fold in enough 'soda water' so that there isn't any dry flour anymore. Note, this is folding, not stirring, and should last no longer than 40 seconds. Seconds. You do NOT want to stir, it will make it flat as a cracker and not at all cake-like. You're looking for damp, but not wet. I would guess it at two or three 'shot glasses' of soda water, so it's not a lot of water.

Step 3. Spoon (or fork) about half of the dough up onto the sides of the bowl. If it 'drips' down, add some flour and try again. Spread out the other half on the bottom of the bowl. Sprinkle cinnamon (and ginger if you like) onto the dough lining the bottom, then add a few tablespoons of sugar atop the cinnamon. Drizzle enough oil or water or butter on the sugar to make it damp (no dry spots, but not watery or wet).

If you're daring, add a sprinkle of cayenne to the sugar. Trust me, it sounds crazy but it's crazy good.

Step 4. Fold/spread the dough from the sides over the sugar in the center. The dough will NOT stick to sugar, so you have to stretch and smooth it from one side to the other, 'glueing' it to other dough.

Step 5. Microwave for 2-3 minutes (@1,000 watt), more or less depending on the power of your microwave. Half the watts, figure about twice as long.

Step 6. Let it sit for a minute, then take it out of the bowl and move it to the toaster and toast it to taste. If it's leaking, don't tempt fate and skip this part. It'll be more like a cinnamon pancake but that's still pretty good.

In total, this takes me an average of 6 minute, from the time I get the bowl out to the time I'm eating it. The pot of coffee takes 8, so I usually have to wait 2 minutes for the coffee maker to catch up. That's a very long 2 minutes :)

OK, it's not exactly a cinnabon, but it's good enough for me and I can't imagine making a real cinnabon in under 45 minutes. Keep in mind, this has no kneading, 30 seconds of stirring, and almost no effort at all.

Basic Bread/pizza sticks

Step 1. Add a few splashes (a tablespoon or two) of vinegar to a microwave safe bowl (for breadsticks, make it a rectangular bowl).

Step 2. Add 3/4 cup of flour (about 1/2 a coffee mug), fold in the 'soda water' until there is no dry flour remaining. This should take no more than 40 seconds of stirring, too much will ruin it. (I like to mix in some cayenne and turmeric, but if you want sweet, add some sugar)

If you want it a little 'pretzel-ish' sprinkle on some coarse salt and oil over the top of your dough just before putting it in thee microwave.

Step 3. Microwave for about 2 minutes (@1,000 watts, yours may be different) You are looking for just cooked enough that it has risen fully and can be taken out of the bowl in one piece.

Step 4. For pizza bread sticks, cut them now into sticks with a sharp knife. Take it out of the bowl and Move it to the toaster. Toast to taste. For me, I set it to medium/dark and then toast 3 times.

Step 5. For Pizza bread sticks, Add four tablespoons of spaghetti sauce or mustard or ranch dressing to a dipping bowl and have at it.


If you're a fan of pockets, make the bread / bread sticks like normal, but instead of adding sugar and cinnamon to the middle, like with a cinnabon, add beans, onions, hotdogs, spam, brown rice, or whatever and fold the dough from the sides over it, and toast as usual, just add an extra minute to the microwave time if the beans are from the refrigerator. Warning, soft cheese will over microwave so cut it back a minute and toast at a lower darkness but longer time.

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